These Feet Were Made For Walkin'...

Somehow, in this insanely busy past month, Baby Linus became Toddler Linus. I almost missed it. I mean, I knew he was starting to walk and getting braver every day, but I was so overwhelmed and exhausted that I almost forgot to celebrate when those cute, curled up toes decided it was time to conquer the world. I certainly didn't manage to get video of it. I do have video of some of his early steps, so I guess that's good enough.

But walking is not the only way he is growing up. We are down to two nursing sessions a day, sometimes one, and while I thought he might hold on for a while longer, it seems like he may be ready to wean. I had a rare peaceful moment with him today. As we lay on my bed, him feeding and holding onto my shirt and me stroking his cheek, I knew that this might be the last time like this, even if not the last time he nurses.

Linus has never been one to nurse to sleep or want to cuddle. He likes breastfeeding, but he usually does it quickly and hops up to play. Even as a newborn, he nursed right after waking and preferred to go to sleep on his own in his crib later. For the most part, I have been very thankful that my third wanted to go to sleep on his own. It made life much easier for me after having had two who needed lots of help going to sleep. But now that we are at the end, I wonder what I missed. Nursing him has always been a distracted business, with one or the other of us busy paying attention to Calvin and Hobbes. There has been very little one-on-one time in these breastfeeding months.

So as he feel asleep this afternoon, one hand holding mine and the other clutching my shirt, I treasured it. I looked at those sweet toes, curled up under his feet after a morning of wandering the playground. I stared at his body becoming long and lean with the work of walking. And I cuddled my baby. He may be beginning the journey to boyhood, but when he is asleep and those feet are at rest, he is still my baby.

7 Quick Takes-Spring and New Life

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary.

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Happy sixth day of Easter to you! One of the things that I love about being Anglican is that Easter lasts even longer than Lent. We get to celebrate right up to Pentecost. This blog had a great quotation from N.T. Wright about how Christians should celebrate Easter. I especially like the part about champagne after morning prayers for the first week. I have read this passage before, and I think Wright is spot on. Without the resurrection, Christianity has no meaning. So celebrate! And if you want to read a good article about why the resurrection matters, check out this article by a dear friend of mine that was in this month's Christianity Today.

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The plants and trees are celebrating Easter by sending out lots of pollen. If you don't live in a place that has a lot of pine trees, you don't know the joy of walking outside to see everything coated in a layer of sticky yellow-green pollen. Really, you have no idea how horrible this stuff is. Here is a picture from a couple of years ago.


Yes, that is pine pollen coating my son's bum and the slide and our porch and cars and everything inside and out. That was after a good rain, too. This year, it was dry, record heat (90ish) and windy when the green scourge hit full force. Folks said it looked like fires everywhere with the clouds of pollen blowing. Let's just say I am glad we decided to trek over the mountains this week for Spring break. It is much better in Tennessee.

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As nature is putting on a show of new life (my favorite right now being the dogwood blooms), it seems many folks are welcoming new lives into their homes. So many of my friends had babies and announced it on Facebook while I was away for Lent, and I am enjoying looking at pictures of their little babes. And this blogger and mother of five boys, whom I discovered just recently, just welcomed her first baby girl. It gives me hope...not that I am planning on trying for a girl or boy any time soon or that I am even sure what I would know what to do with a girl. But I am enjoying reading her stories of life with all those boys.

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Speaking of boys, mine are growing like weeds, and I am taking full advantage of the warm weather to watch as they blossom into little boys. Even sweet Linus is working on growing up on me. He is walking so much now, though not all of the time, and becoming very independent. While he keeps his agreeable disposition most of the time, he is not afraid to let us know what he wants. He screams and points and throws a tantrum until someone figures it out, and then he instantly smiles and returns to his normally pleasant self. It is almost like two different babies.

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All of this life all around makes it hard to accept the death that our family is facing. We are also in Tennessee because my grandma is nearing her death. Even in the grief, though, we know that she is going to enter new life and to prepare for new creation. She is ready to go and be with her Creator and see the face of Jesus. That is one of the beauties of the created order, isn't it, that nature in her yearly death and rebirth reminds us of the truth of our rebirth that happens even as we die.

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I was able to do a bit of a family history interview with my Grandma last month. Now that I am unable to continue it, I am pondering the preserving of memories in the reality of eternity and new creation. There is so much that is lost over the years, and I do think we can learn a lot from the past. At the same time, we have become a culture obsessed with documenting our lives, taking thousands of photos and updating out status every day and tweeting or twittering or whatever it is that people do. I think we obsess so much over documenting and preserving memories that we don't actually make memories or really live in the present. It is like scrapbookers who are thinking about how they will turn an event into a scrapbook page even as they are participating in it and taking photos of it. Anyway, I just think that at some point we have to trust that all of those memories that we lose along the way are being held by God for us to pull up and remember in eternity.

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And now, a lighthearted Calvinism to end this Quick Takes:

Nana (to Hobbes, who had just told her about a computer game): "Really? That's interesting!"

Calvin: "You're just pretending to be interested, aren't you?"

Nana: "No, Calvin, I really am interested."

Calvin: "No you're not. That sort of think doesn't strike your fancy."

The turns of phrase that boy picks up from reading. I love it!

A Cake Wreck-Keeping It Real

So you don't think that this is normal. Here is a photo of Linus' first birthday cake.


Now that was a failure. With the insanity and travel around Christmas, I got into town late on the 23rd only to realize I needed a cake for the babe. I ran out and bought some mix and canned frosting. (All of my cakes are from mixes, by the way. I can't bake a cake to save my life.) I baked a lopsided two-layer cake with some hastily slapped-on frosting and M&M's for decoration. Then, in my sleep-deprived and over-busy state, I put it in the cake saver the wrong way. We basically had to dump it out upside down and turn it back over because the plate was wedged tight in the saver. Linus was so tired by the time we got around to celebrating his birthday that he didn't even want to look at the cake. Yep, that goes down the in loser mom category for sure. We didn't even get him a present. I'm just glad they don't remember their first birthdays. Maybe I should delete the photographic evidence?

So, thanks for the compliments, but without some internet images of R2 and this tutorial, I would have been lost.

7 Quick Takes-Just Barely In Time

I wasn't going to write at all today, but I thought I could at least share what is keeping me from writing. For more Quick Takes, visit Jen.

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Hobbes turned four today. Four! When did that happen? I am so proud of the quirky, smart, sensitive, funny boy he is becoming, but I do wish he had asked for something easier than an R2D2 cake for his party tomorrow (pictures to come...maybe).

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I just finished Hannah Coulter a couple of days ago. Wendell Berry did it again. Maybe it is just because I am an Appalachian woman descended from many Appalachian women, but I have never read a book that told the story of being a woman so truly and beautifully. I am pretty sure every woman should read this book, and I know I will read it again and again and again at different transition times during my life. I may write more about it later, but in the meantime, go read it.

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While we are on the theme of Appalachia, I have been thoroughly enjoying my latest issue of Now & Then magazine. For those with any interest whatsoever in Appalachia, I can't recommend this little publication enough. It is always full of lovely stories and poems and essays and photographs. It makes me itch to try to get published...maybe one day.

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Linus is just about to walk, finally! He is taking several steps in a row and getting more and more brave about it by the day. I am ready for it, as he is getting heavy to carry around, even in my Ergo. And he is adding stubborness to his charm. He is trying so hard to talk and learn signs. But when we ask him to sign "please" for something when doesn't want to, a battle of wills takes place, complete with tantrums, often ending in a standoff. It is a sight to behold. He is perfecting the pouty lip already. He's going to be an interesting one, this kid.

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It's Spring! The daffodils and redbuds are adding color everywhere. New grass is coming up in the perfect St. Patrick's Day color, and the trees are full of buds, some ready to burst into bloom any day now. We have spent most of our daylight hours outside this week, playing in our (finally dried out) back yard, taking walks, riding bikes, and being at the in-laws' farm.

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The farm. Sometimes I think we live such a lovely life. It is hard, as all lives are, but we get to go out to 70 acres of woods and fields and streams and play with goat kids and puppies. If all goes well, we hope to have our house on the market and be living there before too long, focusing more intently on getting to Asia.

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And, yes, that move is still looming over me. So much to do and absolutely no time in which to do it. How to people with children get anything accomplished other than laundry and food and keeping kids alive? Really, I want to know.

Odd Man Out

Calvin and Hobbes were in the bath. Daddy Two Square was finishing up some work in his office. I was trying to wrestle the clean sheets onto the top bunk without falling off and breaking my neck. He was sitting in his high chair with only the dirty dinner dishes on the table as company. Rice and muffin pieces were scattered on his tray in hopes he would get some calories into himself. And he sat, the occasional squak coming out of his mouth to remind us all that he was there. If not for that, I suppose he could have been choking on that muffin. Eventually I did get him, after the beds were made, the boys were reprimanded, and the dishes were cleared and cleaned.

Poor Linus, this happens to you so often. You get put in the high chair or the crib or the pack 'n' play and just left there, the rest of us scurrying around you, in and out of the room, or not in the room at all, trying to get the basics taken care of so that we can function as a family. But is it functioning if you are alone in the dining room, contained but not included, acknowledged only when you finally get mad enough to demand it?

I need to know, those of you who have had or currently have three or more children at home, how did you do it? How did you manage life and pay enough attention to your children that they knew they were loved? I'm not talking having daily planned crafts and activities, reading oodles of books, and making sure each one got individual floor time with mommy. I'm talking about just acknowledging their existence long enough that they know you remember them.

It's not as bad as it sounds. Certainly Linus gets plenty of love and attention from his brothers, and from us, when we are take a moment to stop. But he does get left on his own a lot. Is that just part of being the third?

Seven Quick Takes-Movies and Discipline Edition

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen.

And let me know what you think of my new, simple and free from Blogger, design. Anything you want to see here that you don't?

1. Thanks to Wolf Totem, I am totally fascinated by Mongolia now. My husband and I just watched Mongol and were thoroughly impressed. It is an incredibly violent movie, but I was still engrossed in the story. It is the first of a trilogy of movies based on the life of Ghengis Khan. There are a lot of liberties taken with the history, but after having read Wolf Totem, which gives a very detailed account of Mongolian culture and life on the grasslands, I loved seeing a movie that had Mongolia as its setting. I can't wait for the next two films!

2. These days have been really, really hard with Calvin. Does anyone have any experience with taking children to a psychiatrist? We may not need to, but he definitely has frequent episodes where he is completely out of control of his body and emotions, and nothing we try seems to help. Other times, he is incredibly funny, sweet, creative, and in control of himself. But when these episodes occur, he is like a different child. It is unbelievably exhausting and scary for all of us. Anyone who has experience with this sort of behavior, please feel free to offer advice.

3. Linus is suddenly becoming a much less pleasant baby. Oh, that strong will. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a compliant child. I know that no children are totally compliant, but some are less intense than others. Despite his normally pleasant demeanor, Linus is showing us that we may be three for three in the strong personalities department. Lord, have mercy.

4. Despite this, things are actually going okay around here. I am trying to intentionally slow down and enjoy the good moments with my kids, even if it is just a minute where Linus is laughing at Calvin being goofy. Even if that minute is surrounded by two forty-five minute battles with Calvin and with Hobbes refusing to take rest time. I am trying to not make life always be a battle between me and these boys, trying to convince all of us that we are on the same team.

5. Having my husband working at home during this season is incredible! He can handle Calvin when he is too out of control and strong for me to contain. And he can step in when I need a break or have a crying baby and pouting Hobbes and angry Calvin. God always knows what he is doing when he moves us from one job to another.

6. It's almost Chinese New Year! What are you doing to celebrate? We are sending out our first prayer letter and doing some more purging and cleaning and generally preparation for one day leaving the country. One day before the next New Year comes around, we hope.

7. Tonight, I am escaping from this craziness and watching Julie and Julia. I love Meryl Streep, and I have loved Amy Adams since I saw her in Junebug (which is her best movie, by the way, and one you should definitely see). I may or may not let you know what I think of it.

One Year Ago

One year ago today you made your appearance, and Christmas will never be the same again. Whenever I contemplate the birth of our Savior and imagine Mary holding the tiny King of the Universe in her arms, I will also remember the moment I first held you, wet and red and slippery from the birthing tub. We had no idea then what sort of baby you were, but perhaps the fact that you chose Christ's Mass to enter our lives revealed some of your personality. On the most joyful and quietly beautiful day of the church calendar, you came home to us.

Linus, we could not be more in love with you and your sweet, joyful, and unassuming approach to life. We don't stop often enough to enjoy you. You are so quietly content most of the time, though thrilled when we stop to play with you or take your picture or enjoy your sweet babble. You seem to be saying, "Excuse me, wonderful people around me, I know that you are busy doing something important, but if you have time, I would love to throw this ball to you. I'm equally happy to keep playing here near you, though. This is nice, isn't it?"

You have really started to become a little person in the past few weeks, and it is a gift to see you discover your own abilities. You are learning to communicate with a combination of sign language and your own adorable gestures and noises. You don't really talk yet, and you don't seem to be in much of a hurry to do that or to walk. And you still don't have teeth. You are delighted to let these developments happen as they will, enjoying each moment and not being too anxious to grow up. You may think it is amazing to see this in a baby, but your brother Calvin was the complete opposite of this, always striving, from birth, to do more and to be more than he was ready to do or to be. You, on the other hand, are content just to take life as it comes.

You were born with eyes of wonder at the world, on a day of great wonder for the whole world. May you never lose that, and may it be a gift to our family, to all of us who often take life too seriously and look at the world through anxious eyes.

Words truly cannot express the immense joy you bring to our lives, our beautiful Christmas baby. We love you!

7 Quick Takes

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen.

Just in case you were wondering why I haven't been around this space...

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We haven't taken off and moved to Asia yet. I am just choosing other things and/or trying to keep my sanity and make it a somewhat meaningful Advent. So far, that isn't going so well. We are having major behavior issues, and chaos reigns. Currently, our Advent wreath is hidden among the piles of books and mail and a laptop on our coffee table, and the Jesse tree banner hangs crookedly beside our TV while the ornaments are somewhere hidden under the mess of our living room.

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Do you ever have times where nothing about any of your relationships is easy? In addition to the above mentioned discipline problems with the boys, I can't think of a single close relationship that is easy right now. Even my really close friends have troubles of their own that make time together for us less than refreshing because neither has much peace to offer. My marriage is not in a bad place but we are definitely having growing pains. And extended family problems always like to surface at Christmas. There have been times when I have been showered with sweet, peaceful, good times of refreshing in so many relationships, but this is not one of those times.

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Even baby Linus is getting in on the action. He is still sweet as ever, but he is a sweet almost one-year-old, which means he is into everything. I can no longer sit and watch him play contentedly while I read. Now he is climbing onto the coffee table and rocking chair and generally trying to give himself a concussion. So even my alone times with him are draining.

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Needless to say, Christmas preparations are not coming along so smoothly. I have a few gifts purchased, but I am far from ready. I was all set to write a post about our handmade gifts for the boys, but now I am just hoping to get them done. I am excited about them. We are hoping to make a bow and arrows for Calvin. (Bad idea, I know.) And my mother-in-law is going to help me paint a mat for driving cars on for Hobbes. It will have all of the places we go (our house, the in-laws', church, school, Nana's, Neyland Stadium...you know, important places in his life) painted on it and roads for his cars to drive on. I had one of these as a kid that someone made for me and my brother, and it is one of the few toys I really remember playing with and loving.

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I didn't mean for this to be a complaining 7 Quick Takes. Really, life is not all bad. Advent is still my favorite time of year. We had our second annual St. Nicholas Day party this year, with 15 kids and 8 moms in our tiny house decorating cookies, learning about the saint, and playing the "toss the gold (chocolate) coin in the shoe" game. It was a lot of fun. And watching the boys, Hobbes especially, as they take in the wonder of Christmas trees and lights all around is still a lot of fun.

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And my boys still make me laugh. A lot. Calvin is really into knights these days and has been reading a lot of King Arthur books. Hobbes is along for the ride, as usual. The other day, Hobbes said to me, "Maybe his name use to be Alot, and then he got a lance and became Lancelot."

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And Calvin, oh Calvin. I swear he will be a lawyer one day. Yesterday, he came up to me with a clever smile on his face and said, "Mommy, if you need to get things done around the house, and I bet you do, you could just put me on the Wii." He thought he was being so clever. I love these boys, even on the worst of days.

In Two Months...

...we will celebrate your birth. How did I miss so much of this year, sweet Linus? It seems that Calvin's first year was in slow motion. I had time to watch him while he slept, to play games with him, to record every moment, every tiny new development. Even Hobbes' first year had plenty of slow moments. We were still so very much in the baby phase of life.

But you, third child with the much older brothers, you just come along for the ride. You sleep in your car seat where I can't see you. On the rare days we are at home for your naps, I am just thankful that I can put you down and let you soothe yourself to sleep. I rarely stop to watch your beautiful baby rest.

Or to play with you. You have to remind me to do that. Lately, you have started initiating peek-a-boo with us, covering your face with your quilt in the crib and then pulling it down and squealing with delight when we say, "Where is Linus? Peek-a-boo!" And you love to play ball, sitting in the floor throwing or handing the ball to me for me to throw back.

Somewhere in there you have learned to crawl and pull up and feed yourself. You are trying so hard to balance on your own, and I am sure you will be walking next time I remember to turn around and look at you. And you are working on all sorts of language in your head. I can tell. I hear the garbled sounds coming out, attempts to say your brothers' names or the names of objects. I swear you have said "all done" and "more" and "bath" on more than one occasion. You definitely say "DaDa" a lot. You love your daddy.

All of these things have happened without my really noticing, really enjoying the moments. I don't completely ignore you. No one could, with your engaging smile, contagious joy, and sweet spirit. But I do wish I had slowed down more often this past ten months to really just enjoy being your mama.

I will try to do that more sweet one, as we prepare and wait for the coming of the King and for the celebration of your birth. That's one day I do remember. Every detail of it.

Ramblin' (wo)Man

I feel the need to write, but I have no coherent thoughts. Ever feel that way? My mind is swirling.

I am thinking about health care and these two posts and what it all means and if our country is going to make a big mistake and how much it really matters, anyway.

I am thinking about the mountains that I just left behind yesterday, about how beautiful they were and how much I enjoyed the hike with my husband and Calvin and Linus. Calvin ran most of the mile downhill to the waterfall and most of the mile back up, occasionally asking for a ride on his daddy's shoulders because "I think I am going to fall down on the job. I don't know what that means, but I keep saying it."

I am thinking about sweet Hobbes and how he is learning to claim the alone time he needs with people. Yesterday it was with his Nana at a park in "Mitford" while we hiked. Saturday it was alone with Uncle M's old Star Wars toys, making up stories and using voices. "Darth Vader do you want to go get the good guys? Yes, let's blow them up, but first we have to load our ship. Okay, that sounds like an exciting idea...."

I am thinking about my daddy, who died three years ago and whom we remembered this weekend by repeating a Labor Day family tradition of spending the night here and enjoying the Parkway.

I am thinking about how Linus woke up ready to move, unwilling even to sit in his high chair to eat breakfast, trying so hard to crawl and getting so angry that he couldn't do it instantly. He will be crawling soon, and the house is not ready for that!

I am thinking about Fall, probably our last in the States for awhile, and how much I love this season.

I am thinking.

7 Quick Takes-What's Working Right Now

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary.

My brain is slowly atrophying. I am so busy with mothering stuff and homemaking stuff and moving overseas-support raising stuff that I am finding it hard to read or to keep up with current events or even to watch movies. Certainly, I am not finding time to write about any of those things. All that to say that this is yet another boring parenting post. But some of you might find it interesting or at least be able to weigh in on some of it. If you could care less about parenting, just skip to number 7 for what's really important.

1. Attentiveness. Responsibility. Respect. A friend of mine recently mentioned these as three character traits that are the focus of the Christian, classical school where her husband teaches. I thought they were pretty good words for what we want to foster around home as well, and they seem to encompass most of the problem areas of behavior. So the boys and I made a poster with those three words, talked about what they meant, and drew pictures and wrote some ideas under each word. It's great to have key concepts to point out ("Calvin, is that showing respect?") that the boys can then attach to certain behaviors.

2. Reward charts. I resisted them for so long because I so snottily assumed they would teach my kids to work for external reward and/or to be people pleasers. Know what? Those things are okay! They are how kids are wired, and with maturity comes a greater pull to internal gratification. In the meantime, we have two charts with space shuttles in the corner, blasting off from Earth and following a trail through the solar system to Pluto. Once all of the dots on the trail are covered with star stickers and the shuttles reach Pluto, the boys get a treat. Each time I see them making a special effort to be attentive, responsible, or respectful without having to be asked and/or without complaining, they get a star. Calvin is especially into it, and Hobbes is because his brother is.

3. M&M's for dinner. Okay, I'm not really feeding the boys candy for dinner, but this is another reward system that is working for us. During some meals, when I want the boys to work on a particular table manner, like staying in their seats or, heaven forbid, eating with utensils instead of hands, I put five M&M's on the table for each of them. When they do whatever we are working on avoiding, I take a candy away. They get to eat whatever pieces are left at the end of the meal. Sometimes Hobbes says he didn't want candy anyway, so I am not sure this external reward thing is as effective with him.

4. Not-so-baby food. Linus still has not developed the coordination to feed himself, has no teeth, and is constantly hungry, like a linebacker. My only solution has been using this food mill to grind up our dinners whenever possible and feed them to him. It is the only way to get enough food into him without sitting there for hours. He is still always hungry and nursing every three hours during the day, but we are slowly figuring out how to feed him.

5. Common Sense Advice. Have I mentioned my new favorite blog? Go check out Like Mother, Like Daughter for some fantastic common sense, mommy-guilt-free advice about parenting and homemaking. Her worksheets on the sidebar are excellent. Really, delete all other parenting blogs from your reader and read hers. It is SO refreshing.

6. Homeschool. Yep, I'm giving it a try. Calvin loves Saxon math, but may be done with the first grade curriculum before Christmas at this pace. He begs to do more each day. I am hoping to get into a morning routine of doing the calendar and weather and daily/weekly schedule. Since we have a small house, I decided to make a small, portable "bulletin board" out of a pocket folder. I know this idea isn't original, but I thought I would throw it out there. I will do the calendar and weather on one side of the inside and the schedule on the other. I plan to use a combination of sticky notes and velcro tabs for attaching the month, day, weather, and schedule cards to the sides, storing the extra pieces in the folder pockets. I'll let you know how it goes.

7. Football. More important than the previous 6 points. The season starts tomorrow. Go Vols!

7 Quick Takes-On The Road Again...And Again...And Again...

Once upon a time, there was a woman named TwoSquare who had a blog, but she got a serious case of summer and was never heard from again.

It feels like I have been away from this space forever, and I won't be back anytime soon. It is mostly for good reasons.

1. I say mostly because my husband has been working crazy hours and his software job, and I have had a lot of LONG days alone with the boys. We are tired and crabby. All of us. Except Linus, who is perfect, as always. (And who ate a huge jar of baby mac & cheese, two egg yolks, and half a slice of cantaloupe for lunch. He only weighs 15 pounds at 7 months. Where does he put it?)

2. So we have been spending a lot of time at the pool. Yes, I have lived there this summer, and it is starting to show. The boys are tan, and Calvin is swimming on his own. Once he learned, there was no stopping him. Wednesday, we were there with a friend, and he was jumping in and swimming to her while I had the two other boys in the baby pool. At some point, I turned around to see him diving into the water! She had not told him to do that, and she was just as surprised as I was to see him try. Apparently, he just decided it was time.

3. Speaking of Calvin, he will be FIVE in a week and couple of days. FIVE! How did that happen? In honor of his birthday (or maybe just because we all need it and it was planned months ago), we are going to the beach for a week with my family. I can't wait! After that, the boys head home with their Nana for a few days, and I get some time with just the baby, hopefully to get some projects done around the house in time for the Fall.

4. Not that we are sitting still until school starts. After the beach, we have a crazy long weekend trip to the midwest for the hubby's Grandma's 90th birthday and a big family reunion.

5. And somewhere in between there and school starting, we need to get back to the homeplace and visit my Grandma, who decided to get chemo and is doing pretty well, though her prognosis is still only for a year at most.

6. Oh, and then there is the little matter of getting ready to move to Asia. When that is going to happen, I am not sure. But our dear friend who has been there for two years was home on a visit and with us a couple of days this week. She said the phrase "put on my face" (in reference to her make-up), and Hobbes thought it was great. I heard him in bed last night saying, "Calvin, I need to put on my face. I'm putting on my face. Look at me put on my face." Funny. Since I haven't purchased makeup since my wedding seven years ago, he would have never heard that from me!

7. With all of this moving around, we need a little time sitting still to read. I am re-reading The Brothers Karamozov in the best translation, and I am taking The Last Chinese Chef to the beach, along with a stack of books I may or may not get to. And the boys and I are really loving Tomie DePaola lately, especially the Strega Nona books.

What about you? Where have you been traveling and what's on your summer reading list? Visit Jen for more Quick Takes.

7 Quick Takes, Ending With a Calvinism

1. We are in the verge of a lesson in "Nature, red in tooth and claw" at the Two Square house. A bird built a nest in our very dead hanging plant on our front porch, and we noticed Wednesday that the eggs had hatched. They must have hatched a while ago, because yesterday we had a fledgling trying hard to learn how to fly. The boys and I have loved watching the mommy bird bring food to her babies and encourage them to fly.

The problem? Our neighbor's cat has also enjoyed watching them, a little too much. So we spent yesterday helping the fledgling back to its nest every time it made a failed attempt at flying. We would take the hanging basket down, let the bird hop back up, and hang it back on the porch, hoping the cat didn't see its next fall before we did. Unfortunately, we came home from dinner out to find the fledgling missing and the cat waiting eagerly for another one to fall. Could get interesting today.

2. Speaking of hungry animals, I have enjoyed making lists of all of the foods Linus has tried at this point. I wonder how he ever survived just on breastmilk, honestly. He has tried all of the major fruits and veggies, rice, barley, oats, yogurt, chicken, beef, and turkey. That's the short list. Some of this is store bought baby food. Some of it is made by me. Seems the store bought kind is too smooth for this bottomless pit of a baby. He likes it as close to the real texture as he can get. In fact, he was happy to down some banana pudding and blueberry batter pie at our 4th of July picnic. And plain rice cakes that he can feed himself? Those are good for 30 minutes of entertainment, at least.

3. This constant eating is finally producing better sleep. Though Linus is not completely sleeping through the night for 10 or 12 hours, he is usually only waking once. Bliss!

4. Have you heard of this book? I have been thinking a long time about how our culture tries to turn motherhood into a profession that can be perfected and about how the attachment parenting movement, despite its good intentions, has left so many mothers feeling like failures because they can never give enough of themselves. Seems I'm not the only one. I'm looking forward to reading this and seeing what she has to say. I don't know if she explores the effect this type of over-anxious parenting may have on our kids, but I would be interested to know.

5. Speaking of parenting books, has anyone read Siblings Without Rivalry? If so, do you recommend it? Calvin and Hobbes are driving each other (and me) up the wall. I know some fighting is normal, especially between two boys so close in age, but really, does every playtime have to end in a fist fight? Mothers of boys, how much should I just overlook?


Lest you think they are terrors, here are two cute moments from yesterday:

6. Today's the day the dinosaurs have their picnic...

I love my boys' growing imaginations. This was set up before breakfast this morning...before I even got out of bed. Apparently, dinos eat Nerf balls. Who knew?


7. And, saving the best for last, a Calvinism for today:

Me (talking on the phone to my mom about my mother-in-law's fam): "They're great problem solvers. They'll figure something out."

Calvin: "I'm not a great problem-solver."

Me: "Yes, you are, Calvin!"

Calvin: "No, I'm not a great problem solver. I'm a problem maker."

Truer words were never spoken. For more quick takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary.

The Men in My Life

There are so many moments I want to remember from this weekend.

Hobbes saying "I hope you have a good time!" as we walked out the door to a lovely dinner date at a local French restaurant.

Sitting for a couple of hours with my dear husband as we enjoyed fine food, good wine, and an evening without spilled milk or messy baby food. Walking around downtown and holding hands when the dinner was done.

Taking in all of the sights and sounds of the farmer's market with Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin choosing the sugar baby watermelon to buy and Hobbes carrying a big bunch of zinnias in front of his face as we walked through the market. Getting samples of farmer's cheese from our favorite cheese vendor.

Watching the boys shuck corn from the market and then get distracted by the caterpillars who were sharing our bounty. Hobbes running in to tell me to come and see what Calvin had done. "He put the caterpillar in the tree, Mommy! Now the caterpillar can have a happy life and become a beautiful butterfly!" Calvin's (very grown up) face of joy as he watched the caterpillar climb up a limb of the tree, looking for food.

Husband working on a digital painting on the computer while Calvin had a drawing lesson from him, working on copying a man in armor from a book on the middle ages. Hobbes very happily finger painting while I cooked up some baby food delicacies for Linus. All of us creating in our own way.

Linus relishing the chicken, broccoli, squash concoction I had just cooked up for him, crying the instant his mouth was empty.

Linus again, squealing and smiling and kicking and laughing, enjoying every moment of an afternoon home alone with Mommy and Daddy while his brothers were off at Gram's farm. Those big, blue, beautiful eyes adoring us as we adore him.

There were plenty of difficult and ugly moments, too, I suppose. But I am choosing to remember these. These moments where we were thoroughly enjoying one another as a family. These moments when I was able to stop and look and give thanks for these good gifts, these four men in my life.

7 Quick Takes-Too Much, Not Too Much

For more 7 Quick Takes, visit Jen's blog.

1. Too much to do. I am just overwhelmed these days. There seems to be no way to get everything done that needs to get done in order for us to do anything more than just make it through the day. And you can say all you want about taking it one day at a time, but we do eventually have to get on a plane and move overseas. Insurance bills do need to be straightened out. Some friendships do need to be maintained. Possessions do need to be purged. The dirt and dust under the furniture? That can stick around a while.

2. Too much stuff. I alluded to this in the first one. I have never been so aware of how much stuff we have. I look at everything in our house and ask whether to toss it, give it away, store it, or take it to Asia. I know we still have a year or so, but if I don't start now, it will never get done. Really, compared to most of America, we have very little. It all fits into a 1180 square foot home with small closets and no attic or basement storage space. But when you are moving around the world, it suddenly seems like a lot!

3. Too much cuteness. That is what I think about my kids when I am not thinking about how rotten they can be. Linus knocks my socks off every morning with his smile, Calvin is blowing me away with his new feats of daring and his Lego inventions, and Hobbes' creative mind and imaginative play are in full swing these days.

4. Not too much food. Not for Linus. I finally broke down and made him some homemade baby food last night. Chicken, carrots, and apples. He was getting less than enthusiastic about most of the overly pureed baby foods. He would basically only eat the meat and veggie combos, so I made some of my own. He LOVED the texture. If he could only sit up and would get some teeth...then he would eat anything.

5. Never too many blueberries or peaches or muffins. I found this recipe on the Stoneyfield Farms yogurt container and have used it for strawberry, peach, and blueberry muffins. Yum!

6. Definitely not too many Legos, at least my boys don't think so. My mother-in-law saved the Legos from all four of her kids, so my husband and I estimate there are between 5 and 100 thousand of them. It's kind of hard to tell with Legos. Anyway, we decided it was time to introduce the boys to something greater than Duplos. They are in heaven. They played three solid hours without fighting at my in-laws' yesterday.

7. Absolutely never too much water in the summer. The pool. Didn't I mention that we go there a lot. Thought so. And we are off for a family vacation at the beach later this month. Yeah for water!

If Only Linus Had Teeth...

Been a little depressing around here lately, I know. I don't think I realized how much lack of sleep was contributing to the problem until Linus started sleeping a bit better. Since about 3 month he had been up every two to three hours and eating most of those times. It's been getting better since he started solid food, and the past few nights, we have gotten stretches of five or more hours out of him. It seems all he needed was some food other than breastmilk.

Though he would love to eat anything he sees (he was coveting the toddlers' Goldfish crackers in church on Sunday), we are still limiting him to baby food. I say "limiting" very loosely since he eats two full jars of it mixed with rice cereal every day. He would eat more if I let him, but I would like to keep him nursing if I can. He also attacked the sippy cup of water today like he had never had a drink in his life, despite the fact that all of his food until a few weeks ago has come in liquid form.

You might think that all of my new energy from sleep would be used up just feeding our little human vaccuum, but I am actually starting to remember what it's like to enjoy life and cooking and doing things other than nursing and sitting around depressed. It's nice.

We joined our CSA again this year, and we are starting to get some really good produce (stuff other than just greens). Last week, we ordered some zucchini in our box, the first of the year. It's been sitting in my fridge until today waiting for inspiration.

The boys and I mixed up a double batch of these this afternoon, substituting applesauce for half of the oil. Yum! You can never go wrong with muffins. And we had this pasta dish for dinner. I substituted a can of diced tomatos for the tomato soup. I loved this dish, and the kids and husband ate it, though it wasn't their favorite. Poor Linus, he would have been happy to finish off the leftovers if only he had teeth...

This is definitely my favorite time of year for seasonal cooking, when so much produce is available. What about you? What's on your table these days?

Five Months

Dear Baby Linus,

You must be my third child. You see, I have these lovely little blank books that I use to record letters to you and your brothers. I have been writing in yours every month since you were born, but when I went to find it for your five month entry, I couldn't. I found your brothers' books just fine, but yours is missing. I'm sure it will turn up eventually, just like I eventually remember to feed you and to change your diaper and to read to you, after Calvin and Hobbes give me a few minutes of peace.

But you are so very forgiving and loving despite my neglect, my beautiful, smiling boy. We all adore you, and you adore us. You squeal and shake and kick with delight whenever anyone is playing with you, especially your brothers. You are really starting to participate in life, rolling over, grabbing toys (or hair or brothers' noses), and trying so very hard to be strong enough to sit up. You would be walking and eating real food if you could; you are so eager to be like your brothers.

Our greatest source of amusement from you is watching you around food. I started feeding you rice cereal and some baby food at four months, much earlier than with your brothers, and you were very ready for it. You squealed and shook with delight at every bite, and you have not looked back. We have given you apples and pears and bananas, and today you tried sweet potatoes for the first time. You love it all, if I mix it with rice cereal to give it some substance.

I don't think you will eat baby food for long. If you had the ability to chew and swallow, you would go straight for the real stuff. You try at every opportunity. Yesterday I was eating a strawberry muffin while holding you. Your eyes got big and followed the muffin's every move. With mouth wide open, you took your hands and slowly tried to bring them together around the muffin. If I had let you grab it, I am certain it would have been in your mouth. You love food, no doubt about it. No one can eat without your eyes on them. It's hilarious!

You also love for people to sing and read to you. When we stop, you make little protest noises asking for more. You especially love "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider," and whenever I sing it to you, you squeal for more when I am done. You have started anticipating the end and making your desire for a sequel known before I even finish the song. When we read books to you, you often grab our hands and try to make us turn the page or point to the objects. Sometimes I swear you are reading along. With Calvin as a brother, you might just be. But you do love your books.

You are such a gift to us, little one, the most pleasant and loving baby yet. We all love watching you discover new things. Last night, you were in the tub with your brothers and discovered that you could use your feet to splash water. You were mesmerized, and so were we. You stop us all from taking life so seriously. You make us smile and laugh more than we did before. You shine little one, every moment you are awake. Well, every moment that you are awake and not screaming at me to feed you some real food. That is the only thing you are insistent about, and I am more than happy to oblige.

We have made it five months, Linus. This is the part where it starts to get fun. It's already been so good; we can't wait to see what's coming. We all love you.

-Mommy

I have since found the poor child's blank book and plan to write this letter in there. Hey, it's only a week or more late...

Holding Memories

I sit here rocking you tonight little one, you who so often just want to lie in your crib to fall asleep. Rocking and singing "Jesus Loves Me" as you slowly settle into my chest, I hold you tight. I am pulling you into me, missing the connection of the womb and of those newborn days. Your legs tuck under your body as you fold into me, bringing your contentment and peace to mingle with all of my frustrations and sorrows, some real and some imagined. Life is hard, and my body, which was thrown out of balance to protect and grow you, magnifies the sorrows and difficulties as it finds its way back to normal.

I want this memory to last, your long lashes falling over sleepy blue eyes and your dark, soft hair brushing my cheek. Already, the memories of your older brothers seem lost. I can look at pictures or a video and see what they were, but I can't really remember them, not really. I remember that Calvin used to lie in our bed in the mornings and point to our eyes and noses and ears, saying the word for each one, as he practiced his vocabulary. I remember that he did it, but I don't remember him doing it. I don't remember what he looked like, what pajamas he was wearing, what his voice sounded like.

My mind is so bad at holding memories. I wonder how many beautiful moments are lost because I have not photographed them or written them down in a book or in this journal I call a blog. So often my mind is not fully in the present and the moment is lost. I can't remember your brothers as babies, I wonder what your newborn days were like, and I can't remember you PopPop, my daddy, as clearly as I once could.

This week we got the news that your great-grandmother has cancer. We have had too much of cancer in our family, too much of the ending of memories before they are made. I had hoped to record some of her memories, I still do, to pass them on to your and your brothers and cousins. But what if I fail? I, who cannot even remember you as you were a few months ago, may not be able to preserve the past that wasn't even mine, though I am a product of it.

So I hold you tightly, as I try to hold the sorrows and joys and memories, knowing that I cannot hold them all. I pray that He who has always been present holds them all, as He holds me and you. And one day, when time slows down, I trust that he will take me back to those sweet memories I cannot recall. May I not only remember them, but see them as He has, with His hand on every moment. Until then, may we both find sweet rest.

Crown Him the Son of God, before the worlds began,
And ye who tread where He hath trod, crown Him the Son of Man;
Who every grief hath known that wrings the human breast,
And takes and bears them for His own, that all in Him may rest.

Out of House and Home

When Calvin was born, I was set on doing things "the right way." This included, of course, making my own baby food. We delayed starting food until close to six months, and even then, he didn't get very much at first. I refused to give him that yucky rice cereal, and most everything he ate was lovingly cooked and pureed by yours truly, frozen in ice cube trays, and served only after he had had plenty of breastmilk. Calvin wasn't that interested in food, anyway, and didn't really catch onto eating until 7 or 8 months. The homemade baby food thing continued, though we did start feeding him some jarred food when we had to go out of town for two weeks.

With Hobbes, I was a little more laid back. I still made a lot of his food, but he received a good mix of homemade food, jarred food, a little rice cereal, and whatever he found on the floor from his brother. We started trying food at five months, but he didn't really catch onto the process until six or seven months.

Then came Linus. I should have known when he started watching us eat at one month old that we were in for it. I think I caved and let him lick a tortilla chip at three months. After that, he quickly zeroed in on anyone who was putting anything remotely edible in their mouth. So when he reverted to his newborn sleep habits a few weeks ago, I thought about giving him some food. I wasn't ready. After all, he wasn't even four months old yet.

Yesterday, at four and a half months, Linus decided it was time to eat, so I pulled out the rice cereal. (How the mighty have fallen...or just gotten real. No homemade food this time.) I put him in his bouncy seat and gave him a small bite, assuming he would push it out with his tongue, like most babies do at this age. Not Linus. That kid ate and ate and ate and gave a running commentary of squeals and oohs and aahs in between each bite. The same thing happened when I fed him some more at supper. The boy was in rice cereal heaven (which tastes an awful lot like cardboard, if you ask me).

Since it seemed to bother his stomach a bit, I wasn't going to feed Linus any cereal today. I figured it was good to introduce it slowly. But when I put him in his bouncy seat while I fixed his brothers' lunch, he wailed. Assuming he was tired, I told him I would get him soon and continued fixing lunch. Then I pulled out a small bowl like the one I had used for his cereal yesterday, and he suddenly stopped screaming and started squealing with excitement, tensed from head to toe.

"Would you like some cereal, Linus?"

Squeal. Squeal. Ooh. Ooh. Flailing arms.

I think that was "yes" in baby talk. He finished off two helpings, happily flailing and squealing the whole time, with almost all of the food actually making it to his mouth. I have never seen a baby this young eat like this. I think we could be in trouble. Time to stock up on the baby food.