Boy or Girl?

Now that I am very obviously pregnant, I often get stopped when I am out with the two boys. Complete strangers will come up to me to make comments.

"Is this one a girl?"

"Bet you're hoping for a girl this time!"

"Trying for a girl?"

I don't know why, but this really irks me. I love my boys. I actually wanted to have two boys. I think I am better suited as a mom of boys, and the thought of having a girl scares me a bit. If we have another boy, we will be more than happy. Having a girl might be a fun, if scary, change. Of course, as you other parents out there know, we will love our child no matter who he/she is.

I remember wondering when pregnant with Hobbes how our family dynamics would differ if we had another boy or a girl. I remember thinking there was no way we could handle another child. I remember wondering how we could possibly love another as much as we did Calvin. And then Hobbes arrived. Now our family would feel incomplete without him. Of course Calvin needed a little brother just like Hobbes. That was how it was meant to be.

The same questions are floating around my head this time, about how our family will change once this baby arrives. One thing I do know. Once I hold this baby in my arms, our family will feel incomplete without him or her. In fact, it already would. This child already has a place in all of our hearts.

With both Calvin and Hobbes we chose to wait until birth to find out what we were having. I loved the mystery of not knowing this little person inside of me, and I am not sure how to be pregnant without that element of surprise. That is why I am hesitant.

We brought it with us to Illinois, the envelope that has been sealed and in my dresser drawer since our ultrasound six weeks ago. Our plans were to open it this evening, as we gather with three dear families, families that used to be couples and have now grown to include 11 children age 5 and under. We have 8 boys and 2 girls and our little mystery.

I know that I will love our baby. I know that our baby will be just what our family needs. I just don't know if I want to know if it is a boy or a girl...