I had a revelation tonight. This time with little people under my feet really is going to fly by, and soon I will miss it. I don't know how many times people have told me that. Heck, I have told people that many times! But it never really sank in until tonight.
We had a rough weekend with Calvin. All of the excitement of Halloween combined with a lot of social events and tons of sugar made sleep difficult and behavior a disaster. But, whether difficult or fun, as each day goes by he is becoming more of a male and less of my little boy. He spends significantly less time cuddling and playing quiet games and a lot more time imagining monsters and dragons and turning everything into weapons these days. There is so much more rough-housing and craziness in our house lately, and Hobbes is being pulled right along with Calvin as he enters this new world.
I do not begrudge him this growing up, though we are working on curbing the violent imagination and replacing it with stories of courage and adventure. I know that he needs more time outside imagining that his swing is a space shuttle or his ball bat is a weapon for fighting monsters. I am trying not to demand too much cuddle time and to just enjoy it when he offers. I am learning to respect his space (and hopefully, he is learning to respect mine).
I do already regret how much of his preschool years I spent worrying about the little things. The laundry and dirty dishes and floors that needed sweeping never did seem to go away. In fact, they are still with me. But Calvin's sweet, funny little toddler self is already becoming a memory. I don't think I totally let it go by unnoticed. We did really enjoy the funny and sweet moments. But I wish we had enjoyed them even more, slowed down to savor his quirky attempts at humor and his precious cuddles in our bed in the mornings.
Perhaps we can never enjoy those moments enough. The mundane stuff of life is always happening around us, calling us away. Clothes do need to be cleaned and meals cooked. So many little things demand my attention. But the most important things are those boys asleep in the other room.
So tonight, when Hobbes asked me to lay with him as he fell asleep, I did. There was laundry to be started, a weekly menu to write up, and plenty of e-mail to answer. All of those little things waiting to be done. But they had to wait 15 minutes...while five little fingers that are growing bigger every day gripped my thumb and pulled me close...while little eyelashes settled over sleepy eyes...while little breaths became slower and slower...while a little brother kicked inside my womb...because those are the little things that matter.
Now if only I can remember...