I am not talking about the theologian here. No, I am talking about my elder son, code name Calvin. Before I begin, let me say that this NaBloPoMo thing is already killing me. I am so NOT good a structure and rules, and putting the pressure on myself to post every day may have been a bad idea. That's why I framed it as a month of posting about my favorite things in order to cultivate gratitude. I figured that if I had to do something every day, it should be in order to cultivate a virtue that I find lacking in myself.
I sat down planning to write about some of the things I love about Calvin. We had had such a good day, but then he started throwing a major tantrum when I tried to help him settle in bed. I definitely don't feel like writing this entry now, all the more reason to do so.
There really are so many things I love about Calvin. I love how his face has always looked old and wise, even as a newborn. Sometimes I can look at him now and see how he will look as a teenager, a father, an old man. And he has the verbal skills and vocabulary to go along with it. He says the most amazing things for a three-year-old. It can be really funny when he is in trouble or getting ready to disobey and is thinking out loud: "But I will NOT take a nap now because I want to build an icosahedron with my magnet toy. That is definitely the reason." Yep, he really says stuff like that.
But Calvin is so much more than an old person trapped in a little boy's body. He has an incredibly compassionate and sensitive heart. His heart breaks, his face crumples, and tears begin to fall at the mere thought of someone being sad or hurt. When I read him the story of Jesus in the garden at Gethsemane this Easter, he was so worried: "Why is Jesus so sad, Mommy? Why won't his friends stay awake with him?" That heart is so trusting and loving, he doesn't think of holding back affection from anyone. When his girl cousin told him, "You're not my best friend anymore," Calvin replied, "But I AM your friend." There is no thought of playing games or withholding love.
One of my favorite things about Calvin is his endless ability to entertain those around him. He could spend all day playing on his little guitar or drum and giving a concert. He has been known to sing all of "Arise, My Soul, Arise." Or he may choose to give a juggling show instead, repeating verbatem the show of the juggle who performs at our mall and whom we have to take him to see on a regular basis. Calvin is a performer, thought he does it on his terms. From an early age, he understood humor and loved to find ways to make us laugh. I remember sitting at the dinner table with my in-laws when Calvin was 14 or 15 months old and he realized that things that he said could make us laugh. He would find that one thing and say it over and over, looking for a response. My mom used to say he would grow up to be a preacher, that or a juggler. He does love to mimic anyone he sees in front of a crowd. He is a great kid.
So even if you do throw uncontrollable fits over little things, I love you, my smart, funny, compassionate firstborn. I wouldn't take anyone in your place. And I am so very grateful to our Father for giving us you.